Not Enough

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When we are babies, we are utterly selfish. All our thoughts are for our own comfort.

We come to an awareness that there is someone big, someone who provides for us, someone who loves us.

We desire that person. We want our needs met.

As we become young children, we begin to love in return.

Our selfish inclinations still cause us our thoughts to revolve around ourselves.

We see what we can get away with, staying within the safety boundaries of our parents.

Some of us don't. Some rebel completely.

As older children and immature adults we begin to recognise our foolishness and the sorrow it leads to.

We begin to try to grow up. We begin to seek wisdom.

How can I be a better person, do the right thing, earn more priviledges, get more freedoms by being more responsible?

On the outside we grow up, yet our behavior is still largely selfish. It is "me" centered.

How will doing this right go better for me?

For many it remains this way.

But for some, they take a step...

They begin to seek knowing what it is like to be more than a child, but be a friend.

They desire to know the person who has cared for them all these years.

We forgive their imperfections, rather than condemning.

We return love, rather than taking for ourselves only.



Our perfect Heavenly Father also gives us new life.

We begin selfishly.

We want our needs met; safety, love, emptiness filled.

We recognize our immaturity by God's standards and move into seeking better lives through obedience.

We read books on how to be a better Christian, how to be fiscally responsible believers, how to be Godly parents, how to be a better spouse, how to serve in the church, how to pray, how to be humble, how to study the Bible, how to, how to, how to....

And that is where most of us stay. Or get tired. Or turn away.

But if we pay enough attention to what God is saying to us, we realize that there is more to our relationship than "How To".

"Who are You, Father? What do You love? What pleases You? How can I bless You? I want to show You my love right at this moment. I want to make you smile. I want to be Your friend as well as being Your child.

Show me who You are.

Reveal Yourself to Me!

I can't live without knowing more of Your beauty every passing day!

I want to know You!

I want to be one who gives You what You love.



.... it changes me...

Because my ways are not His ways.

The more I know Him, the more I love Him, and the less I love my ways... and lose interest in them.

I don't need many "How-To" books, it is plain to me through the pain I feel from sorrowing Him.

There is so little time in the day. So much of Him to know.



Pages flipping back and forth. Searching. What can I know about You here?

How did you respond to this? What did You think about this?

What pattern were you laying out for me to see?

What did you want to me get, buried here in this seemingly insignificant detail?

What did that word mean originally?

Open my eyes.

More, more, more.

Not enough time.

I have to sleep ~ how I wish I could dream of You.

I have to eat, I have to work.

Your Word must come with me.

I can read it, I can listen to it.

How can I draw near You during those times as well?

Open my eyes to the needs of others. Love them through me.

I am greatly lacking.



Use me to do Your will.

Give me songs of love to sing to You.

More, more, more.

I hunger and thirst for You.

More, more, more.

This pain, what do You want me to learn from it?

I never thought I could say thank You for the trials.

Sometimes I tremble asking You to teach me, knowing for what I am asking...

...but more.

Because I know.

I know You love me.

I am not Home... until I am with You.



..."Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart..."



I have the greatest treasure.

Him.


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